Genuinity?
(I've seen this word before but its not in the dictionary!)


To me, it means saying what you really mean, saying the first thoughts that come to your mind, not making up stuff to sugarcoat things, white lies, or anything to make everything sound nicer than it really is.


Like, it can be as simple as lying to a person about what you like (but you actually don't) just because you want the conversation to go on. If you don't like it just say it! (Unfortunately, I can't say that about myself in the past. and still like that sometimes, I'm trying okay!)

It can be like saying "haha, love you!" to somebody you're not even close to, just because it sounds nice. (NOTE: I really DO appreciate it when people say that to me when we've been through things together or something, so don't misunderstand!)

But I guess this is subjective, because she might really feel that way so... I should scratch that point. (I hate how I keep using the word "really"!)



Its also like how this

looks more genuine (or, natural)
(CREDITS TO DEVIANTART I'M KOPING PHOTOS AGAIN!)

than this:

(even though the title is genuine smile)

I'm not taking any credit away from these photos cause they're all good shots but you feel that way don't you!

Also, I find it quite interesting how the photos that came out when I searched for "smile" all seemed more natural than when I searched "genuine smile".

Its beautiful how you can smile with your eyes isn't it!



Guess these partially explain why I appear to be more straightforward this year. (its so nice how underlining it makes it look more straightforward LOL!) I just don't understand why there's this sudden change this year.

I like things black OR white, when there's a grey area I'll just try my best to make some sense out of things or else I'll just emo for a day or something. That's just how I am right now, maybe not 10 years later, but you can't change me now. I think.





Sometimes, I just want to lock myself up in my own world where I don't have to care about stupid things like emotions and relationships and all;


but hey, the little mushroom also has its own little circle of friends right?


The joy of being with my friends and family allows me to throw all these thoughts away.

I actually felt really glad yesterday after the run,
when I got the guitar (plus note) and the spongebob,
when I randomly smsed my friend and we sent long sms-es to each other,
when someone saw that I actually care for my brother,
when my mummy appreciates something I do,
when I think through things and REALLY understand how my daddy feels,
when my friend used to write so many many random notes for me,
when I knew I didn't bitch about my classmate,
when I found it so easy to talk to some people and they make me smile,


so on and so forth.




The above are enough to make me feel happy and settled. Alright, I'll do my work now.

(do you SEE the beauty of blogging?? it just keeps me :D when I'm confused) Why the yellow smiley? cause I like YELLOW next to WHITE. but white can't be seen so its yellow. I like black and green and red too. (not exactly these shades)

Btw, when you listen to stuff that you don't like for too long, you'll eventually learn to love it. Nymphetamine (by cradle of filth) is stuck in my head now. I don't normally like Metal, but that song is seriously stuck now. I never knew amaranth (nightwish) is metal though.



(my legs still hurt like frickin shit from all the running yesterday, I'll do tag replies soon)

Damn now I'm confused about the number of rounds I did, but I definitely met my target!